Letter 14: "Busy is Good" and Other Lies Our Parents Tell Us
OH NO YEAH BE AS BUSY AS POSSIBLE IT'S GREAT! MEANS YOU'RE IMPORTANT AND LIVING A GOOD LIFE WITH NO TIME FOR ANYTHING! ....I'm sorry, but what?
“Hi honey!” my dad bellows at me through the phone. “How was your week?”
It’s two weeks before Christmas. My dad and I talk every Saturday on the phone, as is tradition.
I am steeped in a myriad of different things:
I’m trying to tie up a bunch of loose ends at work and make sure everything is done before I check out for a little over a week starting this coming Friday. Meaning when I sign off Friday everything is done on both the client side and my company’s side.
I have a bunch of groceries to get for a cozy little dinner for the 3 of us a few days before actual Christmas when Windy and I have family time with our teenager (who will no longer be a teenager next year - what!?). I LOVE DOING THIS. But logistically it’s one more thing to do when it comes to errands.
We have three dogs, two of whom are elderly and having some health issues. My partner Windy and I have been using some free time to email/call the vet and pick up meds. My Subaru Forester is the new Senior Pupmobile!
PRESENTS. I need to finish buying a few presents and then find time to wrap them.
Writing in this Substack, which is absolutely necessary for me because writing is life.
Trying to run and climb a few times this week, because mental health.
Maybe get a live tree still for the living room?!
I respond to my dad by sighing and saying, “I’m okay, dad. You know, just very busy.”
“Of course,” my dad says. “Well, busy is good!”
But…is it?
I feel like I have zero time to do anything and I’m working long hours and I don’t have much space for anything.
How is being THIS busy also good?
There’s an awesome article I read a while back about two different types of busy.
Purposeful busy is when you are actually feeling ENERGIZED by your busyness. For example, I’m purposeful busy when I’m buying food for my family to make a big beautiful meal or when I’m running when I have an hour window open during the day for “me time.”
Stressful busy is when there’s just too much, and you’re squeezing everything into a space of time that simply isn’t reasonable.
So…how do we know which one we’re experiencing?
Purposeful busy might feel like a full plate but your breathing feels regulated. There are things you’re looking forward to. Maybe you (GASP!) are actually ENJOYING what you’re doing in the moment!
I know that when I’m at the grocery store tomorrow it’s going to be overwhelming, but I’m going in with a strategy and an adaptable plan for a lovely evening I’m looking forward to. there’s a positive goal that I can see.
Stressful busy often feels different for everyone. Some signs you might be experiencing this kind of busy might be a higher than usual heart rate. It could look like crappy sleep, short temper, exhaustion, impatience and general overwhelm. For me lately it feels like I’m being moved by an undercurrent that is going to send me under at any moment.
For me right now I’m looking at a mix of purposeful and stressful.
So, yeah. Busy is certainly NOT always good. In fact, often it’s too much. And even with the purposeful stuff even though it’s great I am CRAVING REST.
In fact, I can’t even get time in to run or climb much this month! And that sucks, but I’ve also recognized sometimes I just need to take a breather.
My dad is 73, and was raised by a generation who really did believe that your busyness can be equated with your worth.
It’s not my dad’s fault for thinking this way, of course. So as much as I’d like to rant and rave about how I don’t want to be endlessly busy, I say “Sometimes being busy is good. Right now it’s a little too much.”
My dad pauses on the other end of the phone. My dad knows first hand about when things are too much. He was in IBM sales and training for a majority of his career.
“I understand, sweetheart,” he says empathetically. “You cuddle up with those doggos and get some good rest.”
Trust me, I plan on it.
But in the meantime, what am I doing to make slice off SOME stressful busyness?
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